Solidarity

Posted on March 27, 2008 by Amanda

I had some more thoughts on the “too nice/too polite” problem. I think the other side of my problem is that I’ve been practicing on other grad students.

The reason why I decided to start with Journal Clubs was because the speakers aren’t as intimidating as those at other departmental (meta-departmental) seminars. Additionally, we’re encouraged to critically read all the General and Specialty Journal Club papers and the speaker is there not only to present the paper, but also to give out extra information (hence, all the extra research that goes into presenting one of these things). However, what didn’t occur to me was that I’d be “breaking the code.”

Students don’t tend to ask questions at these Journal Clubs. In fact, I think that the prevailing sentiment is that we’re supposed to go easy on the students, because if we were up there wouldn’t we want the same consideration? So, easy questions (eg. Can you define that negative control?) are ok, but the hard ones (eg. Those controls are very off. Can you still interpret the data?) are not. In other words, we, as grad students, should show some solidarity and help each other out in not looking stupid in front of the department. So, I feel like I’ve doubly hurt someone because not only did I ask a bothersome question, but it came from an unexpected source.

This thought came up because Advisor told me that he was glad that I asked that question. He told me that it needed to be asked and that he was pleased that I had gotten up the courage to ask it (he knows about my hesitancy to talk in public). I explained to him this feeling that perhaps that I should have waited for Dr. BigShot to ask. Advisor told me that was nonsense and that grad students should ask questions, Journal Club should lead to a lively debate, and it was a question for which the speaker should have been prepared. I acknowledged that in theory all of those things are probably true. He then said that perhaps I was taking this graduate student solidarity thing a bit too far. This led to a rather boring conversation (to anyone outside our department) about departmental culture and things that could make it better. In parting Advisor told me that it was good that I was coming out of my shell in the department and that other people could see his brilliance at picking me for a grad student.*

Advisor was being tongue-in-cheek there. We tend to joke a lot, so he wasn’t being insulting to me.

Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments

Six word meme

Posted on March 25, 2008 by Amanda

I have an unexpected (and somewhat unwelcome) break in lab work today. So, I can be faster with getting around to doing this meme. Brigindo was nice enough to tag me and I thought that this would be a fun one.

Here are the instructions:

1. Write your own six word memoir

2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like

3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere

4. Tag five more blogs with links

5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play

Ok, this is a bit more difficult than I thought. So, I came up with two: (And I apologize for not knowing how to resize images)

Always taking the long way around.

And:

Knowing is only half the battle.

I tag:
Mad Hatter
Science Girl
Academic
Psyc Girl
Unbalanced Reaction

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

I swear I’m a b*tch

Posted on March 22, 2008 by Amanda

I’ve spent most of my life in The South (as I’ve mentioned before) and I haven’t really thought about what that implies in respect to my… personality. That’s not to say that I haven’t noticed differences in the behavior of people through out the country. I was shocked at how rude I perceived people to be the first time I traveled to New York City on my own. I’ve noticed the differences in greetings that Katie discussed. However, I’ve never really considered myself the typical demure Southern Belle (despite the occasional accent). While I still don’t think of myself as a Southern Belle, nor does anyone else, I have recently been told that my South is showing at Girl’s NightTM.

I was relating about how I’m trying to develop the courage (I’m not sure if that’s the right word, but I am horribly shy in real life) to ask questions of speakers. So, I’ve been practicing during General and Specialty Journal Club. I’m not too terribly obnoxious about it (as in I don’t ask questions just to ask them), but when I honestly have a question about the methodology presented or the interpretation of the results I’m trying to ask the question then. So far I’ve asked a grand total of three questions (out of the two Journal Clubs I attend each week).

Anyhow, I asked a question last week pertaining to the controls of one experiment that were obviously very off and that no one was questioning. This particular experiment was somewhat central to the paper’s thesis and I felt that I had put the student presenter in an awkward position. So, at Girl’s NightTM when we were talking about mean questions I pointed out that I had recently done so to another student thus breaking the graduate student code. This caused everyone in the room to burst out laughing. I was rather mystified and irked. I pointed out that I was rather bitchy in how I phrased the question and could have put the question much gentler.

“That was bitchy!” Northern Big City Friend replied and snorted. “She was so nice about it,” she explained to the rest of the room, “she said, ‘So, it seems that the loading controls are a bit off there. Did the authors explain that at all? It makes the interpretation of the data rather hard.’ The loading controls were more than a bit off. They were completely off! There were dark bands and non-existent ones.” She started laughing again.

“Well, what was he going to say to that? It wasn’t his experiment! He couldn’t help it. Besides if I hadn’t said anything maybe Dr. BigShot wouldn’t have said anything,” I defended myself.

“You are never rude,” Canadian Friend said, “For you to be rude, it would require lots of alcohol or just extreme provocation.”

This really did shock me. Apparently, I had a completely distorted view of the situation. I felt that I was being a huge… well, bitch about the whole thing and everyone else thought that I was completely justified. All I could see was that I made the student presenter rather uncomfortable, not that my question was justified. This has made me wonder about other times that I thought I behaved rather rudely in an academic situation. Maybe I wasn’t rude at all, but pointing out something?

Also, this may be indicative of my whole demeanor in academic situations. I have been told that in day-to-day conversation that I have strong opinions (which may be code for obnoxious), but that I do not express them during my presentations. Advisor has told me that my voice goes up at the end of my explanations of figures and that it makes me sound like I’m asking a question instead of giving an explanation. Dr. Nice BigWig has told me that when I answer questions I preface my statements with “I think” rather than just giving the answer. After reading Katie’s post about interviewing and PhysioProf’s response. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m just too afraid of publicly offending someone. But then again, what’s the line between being confident and being rude?

Northwestern Friend told me that, “You are really nice, but you need to start saying ‘no’ to people. Just because you know something about a particular technique does not mean that you need to teach someone a short course in it.”

Advisor has been telling me to be more selfish with my time. I think that I am selfish with my time. It’s not like I’m spending hours everyday on other people’s projects. And it’s only a fraction of the hours per week I spend at the lab. Besides it’s important to share the knowledge, right? Maybe it’s not me that needs to be selfish. Maybe other people need to be less selfish. Maybe we all should be more polite. Just because one is right or busy does not mean that one should be rude.

However, Midwestern Friend agreed with Northwestern Friend and said, “Consider this an intervention. Overcome your Southern-ness.”

Posted in Academic Interactions, Friends, The South | 13 Comments

Progressive Baby Steps

Posted on March 19, 2008 by Amanda

After the flurry of activity last week to get Abstract in for Major European Conference, this week seems rather dull by comparison. I am happy to report that I’ve made progress on my baby steps. (I’m going to indulge myself in the joy of list-making here. Fair warning.)

-I’ve contacted various places about mortgages and am closing in on the one that will offer Dr. Man and I the best deal (rates, closing costs, etc.). This will be something that Dr. Man and I will discuss this upcoming weekend.

-I’ve ordered everything I need for New Protocol and I’m going to start it tomorrow. (Fun with lipids!)

-Nudged various yeast contacts (i.e. the person who has the construct I want for gene disruption) and am making progress on accumulating all the other constructs I need.

-Cleaned my room. I’m not the neatest of people; however, I am not filthy, I tend to just leave piles of books/papers/clothes everywhere. Now, those are all put away.

So, these are the things that I need to get done by the time I leave for Dr. Man’s place:

-Finish presentation for Specialty Journal Club (I started today and I have to present it on Monday. This is probably the most important thing.)
-Get responses from yeast contacts/discuss other options with Advisor
-Clean bathroom
-Actually do New Protocol
-Continue making progress Minor But Necessary Project (I tend to put this one on the back burner whenever things get hectic.)
-Read next week’s General Journal Club paper

That whole list doesn’t look like a lot, but it all has to get done by Friday morning and if there’s one thing I excel at, it’s procrastination.

Posted in Grad School | 1 Comment

Where everyone knows your name

Posted on March 15, 2008 by Amanda

I’m half-visiting my parents this weekend. They live near InLawTown, where dress shopping for SIL-1 is occurring tomorrow. So, I decided to visit my parents at the same time. We went out to dinner tonight (I had a ciabatta chicken sandwich… yummy) and some tall, 20-something, guy approached Mom while we were finishing up dinner. I shifted nervously as Mom sang out, “Jim!”

Aha! I remember him. I used to babysit him, Brother, and Jim’s two younger sisters. Jim’s Mom, Faye, came up with two teenage girls in tow. Faye introduced the girl next to her with short, pixie-ish hair, “Hi, Amanda. How are you? You remember Veronica, right?”

“Veronica?” I gasped. “I used to babysit you when you were six months old! The last time I saw you, I think, you were two. You have hair!” This was met with Veronica shifting uncomfortably while Faye laughed.

We continued talking and catching up. Veronica is fifteen. years. old. She’s in high school for performing arts. The other sister, Betty, is graduating from college next year. Jim is in his first year of dental school. Faye is a real estate agent part-time and is working for a title company the rest of the time.

After we left Mom remarked on how much Jim had changed. He grew! He’s tall! He has facial hair! I marveled over Veronica’s ability to speak coherent sentences and feed herself. Dad told me that I had embarrassed her by the whole hair comment. I told him it could be worse. I could have told her that she’s the reason why I’m waiting to have kids. (One memorable afternoon I babysat Veronica and Betty. Betty was “grounded” and couldn’t leave her room and Veronica was sick. The former kept trying to sneak out of her room and whining about how “unfair life was and how this totally sucked.” The latter cried inconsolably for two hours. Finally, I got her to sleep by rocking her in a chair. Then, I made the mistake of clearing my throat.)

Dad replied, “Well, I guess the hair comment is much better than you telling her that she’s responsible for squashing your maternal instinct.”

Posted in Random | 6 Comments

Paralyzed

Posted on March 12, 2008 by Amanda

Right now I’m feeling paralyzed. Not physically paralyzed, but mentally. I’m at a point in right now where to take the next step in pretty much any facet of my life requires me to do something new and without any real guidance. And I could fail at any of these things. I hate failing or looking stupid and that means that I don’t want to act on anything right now.

I like my comfort zones and I don’t like leaving them. My dad likes to tell this story about when we moved to Other State when I was six or seven years old. He says that I cried every night before we moved and then ten months later (when we moved back to Home State) I cried every night before we moved back. I just didn’t like leaving my comfort zone that much. And, while I may not cry now, I’m fearful of trying something and failing.

The strange thing is that I don’t mind the aftermath of failure (in whatever it may be). I’m, usually, fairly resourceful in figuring out ways to work around things. I can come up with another way of doing something or another person to talk to or just persevering. I’m confident in that, but the fear of failure is pretty big.

For instance, I almost didn’t start this blog because I am horrible at writing (as Advisor is about to tell me again– I just gave him a rough draft of Abstract for Major European Conference) and thought no one would ever read it. Or if someone did, it would be to criticize my writing. (I’ll confess that sometimes I still worry over this at times, but I figure no one is making anyone read this and if someone gets too annoyed s/he will just stop reading.)

As of right now, I’m going to focus on taking the next little steps in everything. Calling the credit union to find out about their mortgages, emailing Departmental Yeast Contact to start next week, ordering lab supplies needed for new protocol, and make arrangements for dress shopping with SIL-1. Maybe if I can get all this stuff done in the next 24 hours, I won’t feel so immobilized.

Posted in rambling, work habits | 11 Comments

Randomness from Dodge

Posted on March 9, 2008 by Amanda

I’m visiting Dr. Man in Dodge right now. He was on call yesterday and part of today, so I was stuck “exploring” Dodge on my own. [I have to use the term exploring rather loosely, as I was rather sick yesterday and my “exploring” mostly consisted of trying to forage for necessities.] Here is a list of interesting experiences I had yesterday:

– The one in which the Dry Cleaners refused to accept that I was dropping off men’s pants. She wouldn’t believe me until I tried them on and she saw they were no where near fitting. (This was even after I explained that these were my husband’s.)

– The one in which Walmart thought I was a drug-seeker. As previously stated, I am sick. I wanted Sudafed and not the fake stuff either (that stuff never seems to work for me). I went to the pharmacy counter at Walmart, asked for the “illicit substance,” and gave them my driver’s license. I was then told that they would not sell it to me with an out-of-state license and that was “the oldest trick in the book” and that I had “better leave before being escorted out.” All I wanted was a 24 pack of Sudafed. Geez. It wasn’t even the highest count pack they had.

– The one in which I was questioned on my grocery store purchases. I went to the grocery store to pick up: Milk, OJ, and frozen pizza (yes, I am that lame). I got there and realized that I wanted cookie mix as well. The cookie mix makes 36 cookies. The checkout clerk commented on this, laughed, and remarked that I may want to add an antacid to my purchases if that was my dinner.

Yep, that’s Dodge.

Posted in Random | 4 Comments

Sick days

Posted on March 6, 2008 by Amanda

This email from Advisor made my day :

“Stay away. We’ve had enough contamination problems.”

This is the first time that I’ve ever been accused of contaminating E. coli.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Structured vs. Unstructured Hours

Posted on March 6, 2008 by Amanda

EcoGeoFemme and Mad Hatter (amongst others) have recently talked about the amount of hours grad students should/do work and what restrictions should be placed on those hours. I’ve had an unfinished post about this very subject in my drafts folder and it dawned on me that I should finish it. Especially since I keep having to edit my very long comments on their blogs.

It seems that the hours grad students should work falls into one of two camps: structured or unstructured. The structured camp thinks that grad students should come in at a specific hour (usually 9am is the preferred time) and leave at a specific hour (usually 6pm is the preferred time). However, that 6pm time is rather flexible. The unstructured camp tends to have the philosophy that (and I can’t remember who I’m paraphrasing here, so I’m sorry) one can choose to whatever 40+ hours they prefer to work.

I tend to fall into the latter camp. I don’t think the fact that I get into the lab between 9am and 10am makes me any less professional than the grad student across the hall who comes in at 9am everyday. If I have an appointment with someone (meaning I’m meeting a professor, a student, or other such person) I will be on time no matter what time it is scheduled. I do enjoy that I can work late one evening/night and then come in later on in the day with no hassles from Advisor. I, also, like that I can take time off to go to the doctor, grocery store, or veterinarian (for the Dixie Dog, not me) without any trouble from Advisor.

I think the key to this latter camp is to have clear, defined goals for productivity. This only works if the PI will take the time to define those goals and is reasonable about it (the last bit of this is what I suspect is the hardest). Then, takes the time to meet with the grad student on a regular basis to check in on what progress he/she has made. This should eventually train people to set reasonable goals for themselves and to meet them, which I think is an important skill set for anyone to learn.

Still, this is not without it’s downside. There is the obvious (that the PI has to be reasonable) and the not-so-obvious (the likes of which I’m struggling with today). The not-so-obvious is that if there are no clear rules about when one should work then it becomes harder for PIs to recognize vacation time and sick time (the latter of which I’m having issues with today). This is not a trivial matter. For instance, I am in a LDM and need to take time off to see Dr. Man. Obviously, if I take time off to do so then my productivity will be slightly down for that week. If I had vacation time stored up, this may not be so much of a problem.

As for the amount of hours a week to work. I don’t have a good answer for you, seeing as how last week I was pushing 70 hours and am sick today (and by sick I mean sore throat, fever, runny nose, cough; not that I’m sick of work).

Posted in Grad School, work habits | 7 Comments

A little more cheese and a little less whine

Posted on March 4, 2008 by Amanda

The blog has been very whiny for a while. So, I thought I’d try to write about a few things that are going well.

Umm… Ok. I’ve got the majority of the mutants I need to for my abstract deadline. The biochemistry on these should be relatively easy to do and only take a few days.

This brings me to the next good point: I should get to visit Dr. Man this upcoming weekend. Which means that:

I get to leave the lab for a 60 hours or so. (Most of the day Saturday, Sunday, and back on Monday). This means that:

I may stop being so burnt out and cranky. This allows for:

Nicer interactions with the world at large. Therefore:

My blog posts should become happier.

Or maybe not on those last few. I think it’d take a bit more than 60 hours to get me to stop being so cranky.

Posted in rambling | 1 Comment