I tend to place a lot of pressure on myself. If I work 16 hours one day, then I should at least that amount of time working the next day. If I spend all day running around trying to juggle half a dozen experiments, then I should spend the evening writing or reading. As I’m writing this down, I realize how ridiculous this sounds. If one of my friends were saying these things, I’d tell them that they’re crazy and they need time to relax. Some how that sane, rational side gets shut down when it comes to me, though. I feel like I should constantly be doing something, even as I’m doing something else.
This weekend I didn’t do any experiments. At. All. I’m sorry to say that it feels nice to take some time away from the lab. It feels especially nice after I got out late all last week and spent the days running around like crazy. So, instead of going into the lab I got some reading and writing done for the lit review (intro) of my dissertation, cleaned up the house, and hosted the in-laws. I feel more rested and am looking forward to Monday. Since I feel that way, I know that I needed the time away (especially after last week). My sane, rational side realizes that this is true and that I needed some time to do some reading and writing, but there’s this nagging feeling that I’m a horrible grad student in the back of my mind.
you're so not a bad grad student. if you are, them what the heck am I? I only work 9-5 and never go in on the weekends. You need balance in order to be focused. Glad that you took the needed time out.
nahh… no bad grad student here. You now it though! the crazy works when you are in the middle of it, when you allow yourself to step away you see the crazy and want to do something else*.
The breaks are there to make you realize that you need them and to rest and have happy times. Good luck with this week and I hope you can refrain from those 14 hours days.
*I changed jobs a while back and now I have to go back with my experimental series at ungodly hours and long days – and you know what? It feels super hard since I know how nice it was to be off and lazy on the weekend. Hang in there, it will be over soon enough. and remember to take breaks and allow for happy and not stressed work all the time. (easier said thandone, I know)
You're talking to the QUEEN of pressuring herself right here, so yeah, I understand. There's always more I should be doing.
we should both take it EASIER on ourselves. Yeah. Right. I know.
Wow, it sounds like you've put a lot of pressure on yourself. 16 hour days? When do you sleep and eat? At the very least, you should enjoy the time that you're not working and give yourself a real break (mentally and physically). I can't imagine how you could be a horrible grad student.
SM: Yeah, but you have Monkey to take care of. And, while Dixie Dog requires attention, I don't think that the attention/care that my dog requires is the same as Monkey. š Plus, I don't really think that with a kid you really get weekends off. š
chall: Thanks. It is crazy the hours we work.
Aunt Becky: I'll stop if you stop. š
Karina: On that day neither eating or sleeping happened much. It's just this feeling of constantly having to produce. And thanks for the reinforcement on the breaks!
Thank you for existing. I picked up your zine at last year's Expozine (2008) and felt so good to know that other lady scientists go through the same cycle of self doubt.
I am currently toying with the idea of doing more school (I just finished my M.Sc.) but don't know if I want back into that head space… maybe I just need to learn how to deal with it better.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you (and all the lady scientists out there) are great!