The GirlsTM and I get together on an almost-monthly basis. We usually have some sort of potluck and wine. We’ve all come to like our little group. It’s kind of like a graduate school support group. We formed during our first year in the required fall course. There were eight of us. Now, there are 5 of us. Two of us working on a master’s degree and have graduated. One decided (wisely) that this baloney wasn’t for her and she decided to pursue a masters in another program(and is much happier now, incidentally). The five of us left are all in our fourth year.
We had a potluck a few weeks ago and were talking about my Former Labmate, who has recently defended. “It’s weird,” I told them, “that he is gone. And I’m now , in Advisor’s words, the senior grad student in the lab.” Mouse told me that “He gives me hope that I can graduate.” She was referring to Former Labmate’s famous (among grad students) work schedule. After more general discussion about being so close, yet so far. CanadianFriend informs us that she has bought an 18-month planner.* She was excited because it was the last planner that she hopes she’ll have to buy while in school.
This has me freaked out. Unfortunately it’s not in the wow-we’re-almost-done-and-everything-will-change way, it’s in the my-experiments-keep-not-working-and-I’ll-never-get-any-data-so-I’ll-never-graduate way. I’m in my fourth year and I don’t feel like I’ve made significant headway in the past six months. Any progress that I’ve made has been incremental (as in I overcome one problem in time to have another one take its place). Therefore, everything has taken a lot longer than I thought it would. When Advisor asks me how long something will take, I now think of the longest it would take me and multiply it by 1.5. That way I should be done with it by then.
This all dovetails nicely with my Imposter Syndrome. My fear of being found out as incompetent and/or stupid beyond redemption is not alleviated by this lack of progress. Recently my imposter-ness has been in the forefront of my mind because we’ve had a seminar series on career development. I mentioned this to Advisor and he said, offhandedly, that he’d be willing to discuss my career at anytime. So, now I’m trying to muster the courage to talk to him about future career plans. I say ‘courage’ because the response that I fear is something along the lines of: ‘Get out now before you waste any more time.’ But I’m sure that he would’ve asked/told me to master out if that was the case… right?
*Average time in our program is around 5 years. Most advisors in our program try to make students adhere to such rules.
don’t worry about not being good enough. Most of the work will stall every once in awhile. that’s why it’s called science and not “train on a track” (lack of better wording).
I don’t know your Advisor and I get nervous about talking to my mentor (you know, as a post doc… they’re called Mentors although I don’t really think mentoring is really the word …)anyway, I do however know about about the imposter syndrome 😉
Never say that “I can’t do this” or let the I.S. show in a tlak about your future. Most people are happy to talk and you can put in some questions about things you want to know I think that your Advisor can help?!
The only other thing might be to have a talk with someone close to you prior to talking to Advisor, so you can question yourself a bit before… what do you want to do. Your strenghts? What makes you happy? etc.
Then again, I’m a post doc who doesnt’ really know what I’ll do later on. Or maybe almost know what I want to do but not how to get there…. have a good weekend!
I like to think that even the people I view as super duper awesome probably feel this way sometimes too. Actually, blogging as helped me see that. So many bloggers seem to be so smart and hardworking, yet many of them write about I.S. We can’t all be impostors!
My work seems to have really sped up in the last year. I look back and think “what the hell was I doing for all that time?” Then I remember I was taking classes, working out my study designs, learning how to do things, etc. I looked through some old files recently and was struck by how much I wrote in order to figure out how to design my project. Now that I just have to do it, progress feels much faster.
And. The average for your program is only 5 years? Mine is 7!
I always heard the phrase as “almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
Anyway, I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. I’m not where you are yet, but from what I hear, most of the diss data comes in the last little bit of work anyway. You’ll make it. And don’t let the IS get to you. If you didn’t struggle with that, no one could stand to be around you. 😉 What I mean is that everyone does, and if they don’t, they’re probably not people you want to be like.
I am, however, totally jealous of your girls. I haven’t managed to keep a girlfriend since 5th grade.
Chall: I think that Advisor can help (he really is a good Advisor, I’ll have to write a post about it some day). I am going to talk with one of the girls and that was an excellent idea.
I’m trying not to let my I.S. show to others. It’s hard to figure out what I want to do and what I like to do; while I’m in the midst of grad school. Sigh.
EcoGeoFemme: That’s true, we can’t all be impostors. I just rationalize it as I’m the impostor, so you all are off the hook! 🙂
I’m hoping that my works starts speeding up next year. I talked a bit with Dr. Man yesterday and he pointed out that in the past couple of months this is the first time I’m doing a bunch of things that our lab has never done before (as in it’s techniques that my Advisor has never done).
Yep, the average is around 5 years (5.5 on the outside). I think the main reason is that the Advisor pays for your tuition, salary, and insurance (as well as the cost of research). So, they try to keep it to a minimum.
Southern Grad Girl: I figured hand grenades (or atomic bombs is another variant) was a bit too lethal for talking about I.S. 🙂 (And I.S. is good for keeping my ego in check)
Actually, I hadn’t been too successful at keeping a group of girls as friends until grad school. I’m not sure why it’s different now, but I’m glad.
I am yet to meet someone who graduated from my program in less than 7 years… with the average being about 9 by my calculations (certainly that is not what I was told when I started). So when I feel like an imposter for not making enough progress, I have to remind myself that everyone else has taken just as long. Of course that only partially helps…
One advice I heard about feeling as if your progress is incremental: your dissertation is only the beginning of your work. You have your entire career to make more progress!
Science Girl: An average of 9 years?!? That’s just… wow. I’m trying to calm down about the idea of progress and just take these things as they come. Maybe I’m over the hump?
Sounds like you are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!
It is great that you have a solid group to share with. My cohort had its share of roomies and bffs but as a whole, we have gotten closer as we get small through the years..
Albatross: It’s true. As our group has decreased, we’ve gotten closer. As for the light at the end of the tunnel… from your lips (fingers?) to god’s ears.
Amanda, your situation is totally normal. This failed experiment thing and constant troubleshooting is par for the course. In my experience, many graduate students accelerate starting their fourth year into their fifth year, and get a remarkable amount of good data in the 5th year. You work hard, you have brains, and you are on the right track. Don’t worry, just keep doing what you’re doing.
Candid Engineer: You have no idea how comforting that is. I’m hoping that remains true for me, too (the getting good data in the 5th year bit). I really needed the boost today.