I’m so fucking burnt out.
I wrote that on Friday. After that I just couldn’t go on. I had nothing to say that wasn’t some variation on I work all the time and other people around me don’t do that and I still don’t have enough data and I’ll never graduate and I want to quit. Shortly after that I had somebody tell me that if I can’t deal with the time commitment, the soul-crushing loneliness, and the feelings of failure, I should just quit.
I’m still pretty pissed about that. Maybe I’m not cut out for this, but (there’s always the but) I can’t think of anyone who hasn’t felt that way at one point in time. Grad school is hard and it does suck at times. And it is lonely at times. So, my suggestion to those of you who can’t, at the very least, offer a half-mumbled encouraging word is to just make a non-commital grunt and walk away.
Because you’ve just lost a friend.
I hate that, so so so much. So much. I can’t express how much I hate that. If it’s someone in science, I want to tell them to go fuck themselves, because YOU KNOW they’ve felt the exact same way at some point and probably complained to everyone around them about it, so they should have some sort of better advice, or at least be able to lend a sympathetic ear for 3 seconds. And if it’s someone not in science, then I want to tell them to go fuck themselves, because they have no idea what it is that I do or what it is like to have experiments fail ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO REGARDLESS OF HOW HARD YOU WORK.
You know how burnt out and incompetent I’ve been feeling lately, so anytime you need to rant, I’m always here (and I won’t tell you that if you can’t deal, you should just quit!). It’s the blog posting name @ gmail.com. Wish I had some better advice, but I haven’t found a way to pull myself out of the slump yet, either!
Someone once said to me that if you don’t LOVE reading journal articles all the time you shouldn’t be in science. I think that is a load of shit. Take a break. Every good mentor I have talked to (who are successful scientists too), have told me to that (a) they have felt like you are (2) its ok to take a break to recharge, a weekend / week off can do alot. We’re all in this with you! You are a hardworking wonderful person and you can do it. Yes WE can.
Take care of yourself. Breaks are good for the soul.
Whoever said that is full of crap. I’ve run up against people who spout that bs as well. Don’t listen to them. Everyone feels that way at some point – I even felt that way continuously for over a year. Take a break, give yourself a little vacation, change your scenery for a few days and give yourself permission to think about something else for a while.
I wrote a letter to a close friend of mine when I started grad school and was really excited a gung-ho about everything…when I was at the depths of my burn-out, she sent that letter back to me. It really helped me to put my immediate frustrations into context. If you kept a journal or sent an email to someone about how excited you were at some point try digging it up again – it might help. Hang in there.
Don’t listen to that bullshit! I have much respect for the successful people that admit their moments (or longer) of self-doubt, and the peers who are there to be supportive instead of bringing you down.
You might need a break, but you can do it!
Hi there. Been following you for awhile and I just had to respond to this one. Hang in there! When I was stuck finishing my MS (for 3 LONG years!!!), my boyfriend told me that–“maybe you should quit.” I can’t really be too mad at him because he isn’t in science so he just doesn’t get it. But you will survive! Do try to take a break though. You’ll see things with fresh eyes when you return.
P.S. I did finish my Masters, am still in research, and that jerky boyfriend? He’s now my husband. 🙂
sending you some virtual hugs!
((((((hug)))))
((((((hug)))))
((((((hug)))))
Haha, I can’t do other than laugh in these peoples’ faces. “Shortly after that I had somebody tell me that if I can’t deal with the time commitment, the soul-crushing loneliness, and the feelings of failure, I should just quit.”
Sure… since they have never felt anything like that? Sure! [denial much?]
It is completely understandable that you would go through faces when the science and the Grad work feels like shit. I tried to say that to one of my collegues the other day “I am at least grateful that even if I am soooo tired and unenthusiast about my research at the moment, I am in way better shape than that year in Grad school when the degree and thesis defense seemed miles away”.
Take a break. Go for a walk in the forest. Hang with a friend (or love partner or both)! Relax and work out. And remember, it’s like running a marathon although noone told you there were going to be That Many Uphills in the end of the Race but once you climb the last one, it’s all done and happy.
Hang in there. And don’t be too hard on yourself! [pot calling kettle black, I know 😉 ]
oh and ‘faces’ is of course phases…
someone needs to go home and take a break 😉
Everyone has felt like this, and anyone who denies it is seriously deluded and should probably seek counselling.
First, very sorry you’re feeling demoralized and overwhelmed. Second, equally sorry you work with an asshole. I’m struggling myself right now but know from many, many times in the past that it’ll eventually feel easier and more hopeful again. So hang in there and I hope something goes amazingly well for you very soon.
People are such judgmental assholes, aren’t they? I can swear here, right?
I get the same sort of flack whenever I mention that I might not be 100% happy in my life, with my choices, and with what I currently do. Like I have no rights to complain even WHEN things suck ass.
I’m sorry someone did the same thing to you, dude. That makes me so mad.
I think it’s one of the more destructive parts of science culture that ADMITTING that you feel discouraged is seen as a sign of weakness. I guarantee that the jerk who said that to you has felt that way plenty of times. He’s just feeling superior because he kept it to himself. Or at least he didn’t tell anyone at work. Maybe he whined to someone else.
My mother always tells me that it doesn’t pay to “stuff” your emotions – they always come back to bite you later. Allow yourself to feel rotten. Acknowledge it as a sign that you need to take a break – come up for air, as they say. Taking a break could mean shifting gears on what you are working on, or it could mean not going in to the lab for a few days. If you take care of yourself, you WILL come back feeling replenished, and you might find a solution to your problem by looking at things with a different, less frustrated perspective. I’ve been there, and it has gotten better. I’m sure it will for you, too.
That totally sucks. I think some people think they’re helping…the whole “tough love” thing…when they totally just make things worse. But try and balance that single comment with the many you’ve received here.
Besides, when I first came into grad school, everyone warned that students go through a dark period in their third or fourth year. So clearly if people can warn me about that many years in advance, it’s definitely not just you. Take a breather.
Thank you all so much. I really can’t express how much your comments mean to me. I’ve just had one of those weeks that just suck. Where everything just goes wrong and I feel defeated. Our ultra centrifuge broke yesterday, so I’m being forced to take today off (there’s not another centrifuge available until tomorrow). I’m going to try and concentrate on fun things today (and not feel guilty about not going in). I feel less like a failure knowing that other (very smart and competent) people have gone through the same thing.
I hope you really relaxed during your forced break.
Your co-worker is a complete ass and I hope they find someone way more supportive than they are when they get to that place (because we all know that EVERYONE gets to that place).
a) in the UK we call it ‘second year blues’ – about 2/3rds of the way through a PhD when you feel like you’ve wasted so much time getting going and your project isn’t working and it’s all pointless. It happens to EVERYONE. As a supervisor, I actually worry if I don’t see it ‘cos I know either the student doesn’t trust me enough to let me know things are tough, or that they’re not working hard enough so haven’t reached that point when I expected them to, or that it’s going to hit later and be more of a shock, none of which are good.
b) Shortly after that I had somebody tell me that if I can’t deal with the time commitment, the soul-crushing loneliness, and the feelings of failure, I should just quit. If that’s their idea of how their life work should be, then I suspect they also like kinky painful things in private… very masochistic, very unhelpful comment. Maybe this is their way of trying to ward it off from happening to them, or they’re terrified to admit they feel like that? Either way, they’re an idiot.
c) the one thing that’s clear from our little bloggy community is that we all believe that it should be possible to have balance and work in science, and knowing that other people feel like that helps us believe that it’s true and work to MAKE it true. I supervise a grad student, SeniorStudent, who is in her final year and at the finish-up-experiments-start-writing-stare-like-frightened-rabbit-at-oncoming-deadline stage. She’s probably going to miss her first deadline by a couple of months – no big deal, really. But about four months ago, she was advised by TWO separate academic colleagues that under no circumstances should she take a week off during the summer just gone… that’s ridiculous! Both of THEM took over four weeks… I’m glad to say she listened to her supervisor and had a week away on a bargain break in Greece, and a few long weekends as well, but we all have to stand up to this sort of nonsense…
So sorry to hear things are rough right now. It will change and having the persistence to get through it will help you as a scientist and as a person in the end. Dealing with an asshole is that last thing you need when things are already frustrating.
However, I must admit I have told people they should quit. But only when the circumstance is that we should BOTH quit and start a wedding planning business instead because that would be way more fun!
I tell any grad student that will listen that EVERYONE who has been in grad school (at least in my field, but I’m sure this can extend to others) has at least one moment (and usually at least 3) where they seriously contemplated quitting. (and anyone who claims that they didn’t either 1. is a big liar or 2. wasn’t actually doing any work).
I know I did.
In fact, the sole thing that got me through one bad month around the 2.5 year mark was the fact that one of my peers (who was lazy and all-around a pretty terrible person) was mastering out of the program…and I REFUSED to have the same degree as her.
I’ll tell you this: it DOES get better. It might be (like in my case) AFTER you graduate, but it truly does get better.
I had to add my supportive 2 cents to everyone else’s. Every single grad student has gone through a totally burned out period. I hope your day off helped some; for me, I usually need a week or so to recharge. If I can’t come up with a good excuse for being away from the lab, I just call in sick for a few days and spend my time at home reading trashy novels or watching sitcoms or baking brownies. Anything mind-numbing and unrelated to grad school. Always helps.
No, no, no. If you can’t deal with the loneliness and exhaustion, you should go home, have a nice cup of tea (coffee, hot chocolate, whatever) and take a day off.
By the way, I used to come home from work every SINGLE day and say I was going to quit grad school. By the end, it was down to once or twice a month. I agree with everyone else: everyone feels this way. Even my adorable spouse who love science more than anything (except me, and Pumpkin).
I like Jenny’s suggestion a lot. Much healthier.
Take care.