Or Breastfeeding: It is hard
“Breast is best” was continuously pounded into my head throughout my pregnancy. At the childbirth classes it was assumed that the pregnant partners would breastfeed (“Remember to tell the nurses that you are planning on breastfeeding. Make a sign if you think you’ll forget.”). I did a bit of research (read: Pubmed search) and decided that indeed breastfeeding would be best. Therefore I signed up for a class on breastfeeding and assumed that would be that.
The class was less helpful than I thought it would be. It was largely a propaganda session to convince all of us there that breastfeeding was the best choice (Really though, why would I have paid money for a breastfeeding how-to class if I didn’t plan on breastfeeding?). Still, I figured breastfeeding is natural and has been occurring for however many thousands of years and should be simple to figure out.
I’ll pause for laughter.
Yeah, I was wrong. Breastfeeding is hard. For the first few days I truly hated it. I had just made it through a little over 2 day long labor (53 freaking hours) and was exhausted. Kiddo didn’t want to eat and just wanted to sleep (that was the last time that occurred). And to top it all off, the nurses freaked me out about my milk not coming in 24 hours after delivery (I later found out that 3 days post-partum is common and 24 hours is very uncommon with first time mothers).
I was instructed to pump using the hospital grade pump for 15 minutes a side after each feeding. Keep in mind that a newborn feeds every ~1.5- 2 hours– timed from the start of one nursing session to the start of the next– and will often nurse for 30 minutes a side. For those of you keeping track, that means that at most I had a 30 minute break between nursing/pumping sessions to do vital things like eat and sleep.
Additionally, Kiddo had latch problems. As in he did not latch. Many of my memories around the two days after Kiddo was born involve desperately trying to get him latched and fed. (Finally a nurse gave me a nipple shield and Kiddo ate like a beast. Promptly afterwards the nurse told me I should wean him off of it. Not. Helpful.)
We eventually go the hang of it with the help of a wonderful Lacation Consultant at Kiddo’s pediatrician’s office. (I don’t know how much they pay her. But whatever it is, it’s not enough.) The wonderful LC fixed Kiddo’s latch and helped me figure out how to handle the engorgement issue. It was and has been pretty smooth sailing (thus far).
However, everyone told me that after a few weeks I would love breastfeeding and the bond it created between me and Kiddo. That has yet to be true. Granted it is possible that it has strengthened the bond between me and Kiddo, but I don’t love breastfeeding. I tend to be annoyed by it. I can’t be away from Kiddo or the pump for more than 3 hours (except at night). I haven’t slept through the night since three days before Kiddo was born. I have to carefully calculate the timing of a well-deserved glass of wine (or bottle of beer) or forgo it entirely. It causes me a lot of stress since I work and am away from Kiddo for hours at a time and have to be constantly concerned about pumping enough milk to keep up with Kiddo. Also, for the first 4 or 5 months of Kiddo’s life the only thing that would soothe him at times was the boob. And so on and so forth.
Still, I don’t absolutely hate breastfeeding and I think that it probably provides optimal nutrition for Kiddo. Also, I’d imagine that having to warm up or mix formula in the middle of the night would annoy me even more. Additionally, when we travel or run errands I don’t have to think about packing formula (which is not an inconsequential bonus considering how much stuff we cart with us). So, I absolutely do not think that formula feeding is any better. I just wish that more people had warned me that it was hard.
ugh, i'm so sorry that no one told you! it totally sucks at first. and, I'm with you– I kept with it bc i knew it was the right thing, but I was never one of those "oh breastfeeding is a transformative experience" kind of people. and I think that is ok.
Something I've wondered about breastfeeding: can you not pump during the day and keep up your supply? Could you bf when you're home with Kiddo and have your child care provider give him (it's a boy, right?) formula during the day while you are at work? If that's possible, I've often thought that it would make a decent trade off because it would mean you could potentially get home earlier. That is, by not spending all that time pumping, you'd get more done at work and could leave earlier.
That's not advice; it's a question. 🙂
Breastfeeding is all roses and sunshine don't you know! ha, ha. Honestly I was complaining to a friend that no one tells you the hard truth about birth or breastfeeding and she said, "YES I DID." I guess I just wasn't listening.
EcoGeo: It depends. Your supply will def. decrease, especially if you are working 40 hours and your child is young. Not to mention the engourgment if you are feeding full time on week-ends and then not on monday. One could always pump just once at lunch and the baby could get formula and breastmilk while away. Although I'm like those people in the classes described that I think breast is best and since I've decided to work it doesn't mean my baby should get a subsitute milk.
I haven't had any trouble pumping on my two 15min breaks and my lunch time and now am down to pumping just twice a day. But I work a "normal" 9-5 and am not in academia anymore.
In the short everyone has to do what works best for their situation and their baby.
Gigirose: I'm glad that I'm not alone in the not finding it a transformative experience. I told my mom that and she was horrified.
EGF: The problem (from what I've been told, I haven't actually looked for scientific sources) is that you're supply will decrease overall. Breastfeeding is a supply and demand thing. The more milk removed, the more you'll make. The problem with formula is that it's harder to digest than breast milk and it keeps babies fuller longer. So, baby won't nurse as much after work (less milk removed). Also, you won't be removing milk during the day. All this triggers your body to make less milk overall. There's nothing inherently wrong in formula feeding while away and I might end up doing that eventually.
And, yes, Kiddo is a boy 🙂
Jennie: Hahaha! I wish it was all roses and sunshine. 🙂 So far I'm doing ok with feeding Kiddo at lunch and pumping once in the afternoon and sometimes after dinner if I'm short. I've decided to stop pumping after a year and go from there.
Amanda, so glad to see you posting again! And, it sounds like you are doing as well as a parent of a newborn can expect to be doing 🙂
I had a really hard time with breastfeeding, too. Especially when Dovie refused to nurse at 4 months because the bottle was easier, and I had to pump every 2-3 hours just to try to keep my supply up to her demand (she was also allergic to soy and cow milk, among other things that formula is based on, so we had no good alternatives and I had to keep pumping).
By the time she was a year old and we stopped the pumping madness, I was exhausted. In retrospect, I am not sure I should have done it for as long as I had, as my daughter could have been spending time with her mom instead of me crying while pumping in the next room because exclusive pumping was so hard and painful.
I think this is why they lay on the propaganda so thick. No one in their right mind would do it unless they were absolutely convinced they would be harming their kids otherwise.