For Science Girl

Science Girl,

I don’t have any children, so I feel immensely unqualified to give you any advice.

Although, I do have a dog, I feel that may not quite be the same. For instance, I can leave the dog home alone while I’m at work and I have no risk of going to jail.

I do enjoy a good baby shower, though. Usually at these events, I enter someone’s living room that has been decorated with pink and/or blue crepe paper (one person had green). In the corner there’s food– cupcakes, yum!– and drink– hopefully, not some awful punch. Most of the baby shower is spent talking about the life yet-to-be of the little one. That’s the part that I like best. And, Science Girl, I think you will be a wonderful mother. Just think, of all the skills you’ve learned in grad school: patience, perseverance, and being able to tolerate a lot of poop. All necessary skills, from what I understand, to be a good parent. Your little one will be lucky to have you.

Then, there’s the awful games. With melted candy bars in diapers (the object is to guess the name of the candy bar) or measuring the mom-to-be’s belly with toilet paper (I don’t get this one, why would you want to know how big your belly is in increments of sheets of TP?). Still, I tend to play along to be a good sport and I try not to think too much about the chocolate cupcake I just ate. The last bit of the shower is the presents. And all those tiny socks/shoes/onsies make me ooh and ahh. And marvel over how small the new little person will be.

After that it’s time for guests to leave. So, I get up, debate about having another cupcake for the road, and say good-bye.

I’m so very excited for you and wish you all the best, Science Girl! And I’ve had a wonderful time at your shower!