Right now I’m feeling paralyzed. Not physically paralyzed, but mentally. I’m at a point in right now where to take the next step in pretty much any facet of my life requires me to do something new and without any real guidance. And I could fail at any of these things. I hate failing or looking stupid and that means that I don’t want to act on anything right now.
I like my comfort zones and I don’t like leaving them. My dad likes to tell this story about when we moved to Other State when I was six or seven years old. He says that I cried every night before we moved and then ten months later (when we moved back to Home State) I cried every night before we moved back. I just didn’t like leaving my comfort zone that much. And, while I may not cry now, I’m fearful of trying something and failing.
The strange thing is that I don’t mind the aftermath of failure (in whatever it may be). I’m, usually, fairly resourceful in figuring out ways to work around things. I can come up with another way of doing something or another person to talk to or just persevering. I’m confident in that, but the fear of failure is pretty big.
For instance, I almost didn’t start this blog because I am horrible at writing (as Advisor is about to tell me again– I just gave him a rough draft of Abstract for Major European Conference) and thought no one would ever read it. Or if someone did, it would be to criticize my writing. (I’ll confess that sometimes I still worry over this at times, but I figure no one is making anyone read this and if someone gets too annoyed s/he will just stop reading.)
As of right now, I’m going to focus on taking the next little steps in everything. Calling the credit union to find out about their mortgages, emailing Departmental Yeast Contact to start next week, ordering lab supplies needed for new protocol, and make arrangements for dress shopping with SIL-1. Maybe if I can get all this stuff done in the next 24 hours, I won’t feel so immobilized.
I’ve found that when paralysis sets in little steps are the only way to go. Each one can be a success and can help you gain the momentum you need for the next ones.
Good luck.
p.s. I like your writing
I like your writing! baby steps is a good way out – and you’ll feel like you didn’t waste your time.
Do not fear the yeast. Just think of them as larger, slower growing bacteria that smell much, much, much better.
I know exactly what you mean. My fear of failing means I don’t bother trying things that I think I will fail. But things have to be done, don’t they? It sounds like you understand this about yourself, and you’re taking the necessary (baby) steps to get started. I think you’re ahead of me, for sure.
Something new doesn’t need to be something that’s a radical departure from what you’ve been doing. One small step at a time 🙂
I enjoy your blog
I agree with you that it can be so hard to move out of my comfort zone.
I agree with the others that your blog is nicely written. I really enjoy reading it.
Totally agree with TitleTroubles about yeast smelling better than bacteria (I used to work with S. cerevisiae). But nothing beats autoclaved fly food in the nasty-smelling department!
I also agree with everyone else that your blog is great. I’m really glad you started it after all!
I don’t like to do things that I’m not good at. I guess it’s the fear of failure but mostly I fear not being the best at something.
I hope to see the word zie on your blog. I’ve only used it in that one post. I guess because the rest of the people I’ve talked about I know their gender.
Love your blog. I’m also glad you started it.
Thanks everyone 🙂 (I swear I wasn’t fishing for compliments, just grasping for examples.)
I’m not so much afraid of the yeast as I am of the PI that Advisor wants me to work with to learn how to use the yeast. (He’s got a reputation for being a jerk.) So, you know. Besides yeast cannot smell as bad as autoclaved rat waste; that may be even nastier than fly food!
It’s funny: I followed the same thought processes when starting my blog 🙂 I do enjoy reading yours, so you must be better than you think 🙂
The feeling of paralysis is all too familiar to me. Baby steps is one thing I have found to work, the other is taking some time off to do something less intimidating that needs to be done anyways (like taxes).
Good luck! (And I like your writing, too)
What makes me feel better about life is reminding myself that many, many people have been there before me and succeeded. Even stupider and lazier people (yes, I am somewhat conceited)….