I wanted to participate in feMOMhist’s blog carnival about having it all, but I realized that I couldn’t. I don’t have it all right now. In fact, I’m more barely holding it all together.
Dr. Man broke his big toe. Twice. And technically one break is an open fracture (don’t google that– the images are icky and his open fracture is distinctly not that icky). His foot is in a shoe to help the toe heal (no pun intended) and he’s in a good amount of pain most of the time. He also can’t carry anything or walk very much.
Kiddo is 8 months old, needs to be carried, often while walking. This means that currently I am doing the majority of the childcare and housekeeping. To be fair, Dr. Man is doing the best he can and majorly cleaned put the house last Friday. All that being said, the majority of the day-to-day stuff has now fallen under my purview.
This means that in addition to being the lactating one, I’m now doing all the dishes, cooking, bath time, packing of Kiddo’s stuff, taking out the trash, and the majority of other chores. Last night I was too exhausted to make the mostly prepared meal I had planned and we ordered out for pizza.
Also, I’m tired. Really, really tired. Kiddo has yet to sleep through the night. Tuesday night I accidentally forgot to turn the baby monitor back on after getting up at 12:30am (I turn it off when I go soothe him back to sleep so Dr. Man can continue trying to sleep) and slept soundly until 4:00am when I heard Kiddo’s wails. (Yep, mother of the year award right here.) It was the longest I’d slept since November.
Right now I’m just not doing a very good job at any of my jobs. Scientist, mother, or wife.
I think there might be something in the air at the moment. I am feeling particularly overwhelmed with everything and as a result am succeeding with nothing. It reminds me of writing my thesis, I know that if I could just break it up into smaller jobs I could manage it, but all I can see is the whole thing. It is so daunting that I am reduced to panic and nothing goes very well 🙁
Hire a cleaner. Although it would get expensive fast to have cleaners come on a regular basis, having them once or twice is not that bad. And really worth it.
Your baby was probably not crying all that long before you woke up when the monitor was off, so don't beat yourself up over it.
Don't beat yourself up over any of it, actually. You're doing your best, and even if things aren't as clean or organized as you would like, it's undoubtedly not as bad as you think.
You would write the same thing if you had read this post on someone else's blog. 🙂
Bacteria Girl: That's entirely possible. The thesis is just one huge task that can be daunting to even begin to break up (so many steps!). The only thing that helped me was to think of it as discrete papers. That way it didn't seem too bad.
EGF: You're right. I am just beating myself up. I actually took a personal day yesterday, took Kiddo into daycare and then stayed home all day by myself. It was wonderful. I spent some quality time with my bed and I now have much better outlook on things.
It truly is amazing how much sleep improves one's outlook on life, and vice verse. The 'not sleeping through the night yet' also has a cumulative effect, remember that before you unnecessarily beat yourself up.
When shit hits the fan I try to do the bare minimum of housework and opt for some precious rest. The house can always be cleaned later. Being ok with doing the bare minimum at work is way harder for me, but at some point I have to tell myself that I am only one human, and the work will still be there when X improves.
I hope your husband feels better soon and reciprocates for all the work you are doing right now so you can catch up with yourself!